


I'll Be There For You

by calie15



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Developing Relationship, F/M, First Kiss, Hydra Grant Ward, Implied/Referenced Torture, Overprotective, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, Past Torture, Protectiveness, i killed fitz im sorry, mentions of grant ward and not in a good way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-06-08 22:27:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6876475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calie15/pseuds/calie15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He stands, pulls his gun and aims. “Apologize.” The room is silent, because no one knows what the fuck is going on, and the former brainwashed HYDRA assassin pulled a gun on someone. “Do it!” He roars. Bucky never yells, but it feels nice to do so, and he likes the wide-eyed fear. Jemma's upset, and someone needs to be punished.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Edit on 9/20/16. More description added to what happened to Jemma in the first chapter and tags added.
> 
> I'm not particulary kind to Jemma here, but I do like playing with the idea of her perhaps being more broken in ways Bucky isn't. And she may be a bit weaker here then normal, but sometimes I need to get over protective Bucky out my system.

Bucky knows he is an intense person, but he keeps most of that hidden, the only thing others see is a blank facade and a frown. 

But he isn’t emotionless, and sometimes he lets more see through that facade. Mostly with Steve’s friends, who he has learned to trust. Maybe other people here and there.

There’s a particular person he is thinking of that he has let in. There’s this scientist, her name is Jemma, and he isn’t sure what to think of her. She’s friendly and bright, probably the smartest person he has had the pleasure of being friends with.

Of course, what he defines as friendship most wouldn’t. It’s a lot of silence. Jemma works with him on some parts of his recovery, and he finds himself lingering when she offers one day for him to stick around if he wishes. Ever since then he does.

Bucky gets the impression that there’s a past she is hiding from, like all of them. So he asks and Steve is more than happy to provide information where Bucky shows interest in a person.

It’s a long list of betrayal, near death, loss of friends, a rather disturbing trip to another planet which ended with a loss of the only man she found there, and a lover, torture and manipulation by a teamate turned HYDRA agent, and the death of a man who had been her friend, co-worker, and lover at some point. That’s when Jemma came to work for the Avenger’s.

Bucky watches her and reluctantly imagines her going through those things. She was strong and smart, there was no doubt about that. She'd survived on a desolate planet for six months and returned home. Even the strong can be broken in someway. Especially when it's by someone that you trusted. Bucky doesn't dwell on it, but he imagines if Grant Ward were still alive he'd kill him. There a range of notes he recalls that he tries to ignore. Broken fingers, sexual advances, drugs, sleep deprivation. All culminating in the loss of someone important to Jemma.

Without realizing it he assigna himself to look out for Jemma. He stays aware of her moods, makes himself talk when it seems as if she is regressing. There are a lot of things he wants to do to make up for the evil he was a part of, and maybe this is part of it, but he knows it’s something more.

Which is why one day he just fucking snaps.

She didn’t want to work with SHIELD, it reminded her of to much he suspected. She was reluctant, but did so anyway.

There’s arguing, because some people just still aren’t fond of the Avengers and to some of SHIELD Jemma is a traitor. There’s an argument, and Bucky sits idly by, blank look on his face, Steve trying to pacify, Jemma arguing her point. Bucky’s proud of her, and he knows she can handle her own.

Except he hears something about her being the reason HYDRA gained power, that it’s because of her a man named Fitz is dead, and it only takes one look at her totally broken appearance to make Bucky snap.

He stands, pulls his gun and aims. “Apologize.” The room is silent, because no one knows what the fuck is going on, and the former brainwashed HYDRA assassin pulled a gun on someone. “Do it!” He roars. Bucky never yells, but it feels nice to do so, and he likes the wide-eyed fear. Jemma's upset, and someone needs to be punished.

“I’m sorry,” the man utters.

But Bucky still isn’t satisfied. He holsters his gun and walks forward. It takes restraint not to use his cybernetic arm and Bucky punches him in the face, hears a crack, and watches him fly backward and hit the ground. Bucky looks about the room, noticing the shocked and scared faces. “If you have anything else to say to Dr. Simmons you can relay it to me first. But I can’t promise not to fucking shoot you.”

“Bucky…” Steve starts and looks shocked.

But Bucky turns to Jemma who is just staring at the unconscious man on the ground. It’s shock, and even though the man deserved it, Bucky doesn’t want her seeing it. She’s seen enough. He walks over to her and slides a hand over her back and guides her out. It’s as they are walking down the hallways that that she starts gasping. Bucky knows a panic attack when he sees it.

He slams his fist into a door and pulls her in to an empty office.

“It was my fault,” she gasps. “HYDRA, WIll, Hive, Fitz, poor Fitz. As usual he was thinking of me first and…” she looks up at him with tears in her eyes. 

Bucky pulls her against his chest without thinking, and he isn’t a physical person. She doesn’t really cry, and Bucky imagines she has already done a lot of that. She just gasps and eventually her breathing slows.

Then she laughs softly. “Oh I wish I had a picture of his face when you pointed that gun at him.”

Bucky smiles into her hair. “I’m sure he pissed himself. He was a dick. He deserved it.”

“You broke his cheek.”

“Good.” 

She sighs. “You didn’t have to-.”

“Yes I did.”

Jemma pulls away then, presses her hands to his chest and looks up at him. Bucky isn’t thinking when he leans in and slides his hands around her waist. He has enough sense not to push though. Jemma won’t ever be the woman she was before everything she went through, but Bucky thinks she’s still a little too broken and needs more time to heal. He cradles the back of her head and kisses her just once. She doesn’t pull away until he does, and her lips turn into a small smile.

“We don’t have to work with SHIELD,” he says, breaking the spell. “We can leave right now.”

“But Steve-.”

Bucky isn’t going to say to hell with Steve, but-. “Steve will understand.”

“No,” she shakes her head, “I need to work through this.”

Part of him doesn’t want to let her. He wants to drag her back to the Avenger’s facility and put her back in her nice, safe lab, but he recognizes this is part of the healing process. “Okay.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So what was that?” Steve asks him later that night. “That was quiet a fire I had to put out. I mean I knew you were sweet on her, but that…”

Bucky shrugs. “I like her, care about her, both.” He looks at Steve. “I’m not going to let anyone hurt her Steve.” That’s a promise.


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky realizes he has somewhat of a problem when they walk down the ramp into the Avenger’s hanger and he relaxes. For some reason, somehow, without even realizing, he’d appointed himself Jemma’s protector. Now that they were back and safe, he didn’t worry about her as much. 

He watches her as she carries her things down the ramp, and he thinks to offer some help, but he holds himself back. Bucky knows he needs to keep himself in check.

Bucky gives her space for the day and as the sun sets and he sees her with her things, preparing to leave, he’s glad for it. “Heading home?” He asks.

Jemma stops mid-stride and looks up at him from where he is slouched on the sofa. “No. I’ll have to be here early and I’m not particularly fond of the drive right now. I’ll be staying the night.”

It’s something she rarely does, so immediately he can’t help but wonder if she’s telling the truth or if something else might be troubling her. 

“Bucky. I was wondering…” She started and then looked down to sigh and purse her lips.

“Yea?” He asked. She looked back up at him and then shook her head.

“Never mind.” She said and turned to walk away.

“Jemma,” Bucky said without thinking, because suddenly she seemed more withdrawn from him, and he didn’t want that. She stopped and turned. “You need to eat. Pizza?”

The slightly downturn of Jemma’s lips changes, and she smiles gently. “Sure.”

“Why don’t you go shower. Not that you need to or anything,” he clarified.

“Thanks Bucky.”  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When she comes out she’s wearing a pair of shorts and t-shirt with a small SHIELD emblem on it. Her hair is wet and pushed behind her ears and she’s barefoot. It strikes Bucky that it’s the first time he’s seen her feet. 

“You know, I don’t believe that I would have ever pictured you making me dinner,” Jemma says as she settles in on the sofa with a smile and a paper plate in her lap.

“Well I wouldn’t consider this cooking. The oven did all the work,“ he pointed out. She smiles softly and then eats in silence. Bucky isn’t a very talkative person, and he isn’t quite sure what to say. So they watch the television without a word for some time. It’s Jemma who speaks up finally. 

“Bucky, I’m really sorry for what occured yesterday. I know that you were in some trouble because of it, and…” She sets her mostly eaten pizza on the table and curls her legs up onto the sofa, “when I had gotten upset…I wish you hadn’t had to see that.”

For a moment he wants to ask her if she is fucking serious. He is the poster child for flipping out. Jemma having a mild panic attack wasn’t something that he would judge. He leans forward and sets the plate down, wipes his hands on a napkin, and throws it on the table, then he sits back. “I made the decision. And let’s be honest, I have many horrible things on my hands then what happened yesterday.”

“Bucky…” She says, her tone soft and full of feeling.

Bucky won’t pay attention to her ability to ignore his wrongs, even if he wants to. This is about her, not him. “Jemma…” He starts and looks away, about to reveal something he feels some shame in. “I know what happened before you came here.” He look back at her, awaiting her response."

She stares at him for a moment and blinks. “Oh.”

“I knew there’d been something, I wanted to understand and didn’t think I’d have the opportunity to ask.” Jemma bowed her head and his heart pounded a little. He just revealed he’d invaded her privacy. It hadn’t felt like that at the time. At the time it had felt more like gathering intel. Now that he knew her, now that he had feelings for her, it was different. “Jemma I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-.

“No,” she shook her head, sighed, and looked up, “it’s fine. You're history is out there for half the world to see, and what they don’t know I’ve probably had to learn myself. It’s only fair.”

“I shouldn’t have-.”

“No,” she said again, this time more firmly. “Really, it is fine. To be honest, I’m almost relieved. It’s out there and I don’t have to live through telling the story again.”

The silence that followed was awkward, and Bucky scrambled to fill it. “My point was, I know, I get it.” Soft brown eyes stared at him and he felt sad for her. “I don’t expect you to act like your world is perfect.”

“I should learn to at least have some control. I can’t just hide from people, scared of what they might say,” she argued.

“Fuck that guy,” Bucky said of the guy the previous day. She smiled slightly. 

“Why did you do it?” She asked gently.

There was a lump in his throat that he hadn’t expected. It took him a moment to realize it was the thought of expressing his feelings that scared him, that left him feeling exposed. He looked away to try and gather himself, then returned his eyes to her, intent on saying something, but it wouldn’t come. “I-.” He winced and looked away. 

“It’s okay, never mind,” she said, her voice smooth and soothing, much as it usually was in her lab. She’d always known when he’d been tense, in a bad place, in need if space, but also a kind hand.

Jemma deserved better then that though. Better then just him shrugging it off. “It’s more then I’m used to,” he finally said. She nodded, her eyes slightly sad for him. “Seventy years of having your mind wiped makes it hard to...express any feeling.”

Again it’s awkward. Bucky grabs their plates and walks to the kitchen. It’s the perfect moment to collect himself and give her some space, and he’s pretty sure they’ve both had enough talking for one day. Part of him worries she’d be ready to retreat by then, and he debated letting her or trying to get her to stay. But when he came back she had her head resting on the back of the sofa and was covering s yawn. 

“Falling asleep on me?” He asked and opened a drawer to grab a throw blanket.

“No, of course not,” she spoke from behind her hand. 

Bucky sat next to her, closer then before, with her knees pressed against his thigh. He was taking another step that might backfire. He threw out the blanket and pulled it over them. Bucky wasn’t cold, he never was, but this made the most sense.

“Much better,” she commented and straightened out the plush material to lay neatly over them.

Bucky slouched down and stretch this arms back behind them, but he didn’t touch her, he figured that was enough. She sat curled on the sofa near him, but not really touching him.

“Can I ask what’s happening here then?” Jemma said finally. “You kissed me," she stated, making it impossible to not know what she was referring to.

He supposed getting right to it might at least clear things up instead of him tip toeing around her. “I don’t know,” he admitted finally and turned to face her. “I’m not good at this anymore.” He paused to study her face. It was dark and the shadows moved across her skin from the television, yet he could still make out the freckles on her nose and cheeks, brown eyes, long lashes, and full lips. “But I want to know.”

“You could kiss me again,” Jemma offered finally, almost daringly.

Bucky barely even hesitated. Leaning in he threaded his fingers into her damp hair and drew her face closer to his, again kissing her. Bucky kept it slow, concentrating on the feel of her lips, soft, warm, and full. On the way her breath shook just slightly, and her hand slid up his chest as she leaned in to closer. When he deepened the kiss he wrapped his other arm around her waist. 

It was only at this first urge to drag her onto his lap that he pulled away. The last thing he wanted was an erection to make it awkward. But he held her close still and rested his forehead against hers as he waited to make sure what had happened was okay. Jemma’s breath came in quick pants that gave him other ideas, but he did nothing. 

“That was nice,” Jemma said with a smile on her face.

“That’s it?” He asked, drawing a small breathy laugh from her lips. After that things were more comfortable. Some questions were answered and it was established that whatever was happening between them that they both wanted it. Jemma didn’t pull away, she slid closer to his side and rested her cheek on his chest. Bucky was more then happy to wrap his arm around her warm body and hold her close.

When she started to fall asleep he gently nudged her awake. “Do you want to go get in bed.”

“I”m fine,” she whispered and rubbed her cheek against his chest, eyes still closed. “Unless you want to.”

Go to a dark room, lay awake, thinking about things he couldn’t change, or sit there with a woman he had feelings for curled up against his side. “No, I’m good.”

“I’d like to stretch my legs out though,” she commented, “and the sofa is big enough for two.”

“You are the smart one,” Bucky said and she crawled over to the side of the sofa. Bucky somehow maneuvered his larger body behind hers and wrapped an arm around her to pull her close, fitting her perfectly against him. 

As they laid there he couldn’t help himself and pressed a kiss to the back of her neck, followed by one more in a new spot before pulling his lips away.

“And everyone says your scary,” Jemma said when Bucky though her to be sleeping. There was amusement in her voice that he was glad for.

“I am, don’t ruin my reputation.” Her laugh could barely be heard, but he felt it in the way her back moved against his chest. She scooted back into his embrace and then laced her fingers through his metal ones, bringing them up to her chest. That gesture alone was enough to make him feel something dangerous. Something a bit more then the crush he already had, as if she might be taking a peace of his heart he’d never get back. It was scary and exciting at the same time.

Bucky was content to hold her there for as long as she would let him, even if it was at the risk of someone walking in on them in the morning. He didn’t care. 

And if he thought things might change in the morning he was wrong. Because Jemma rolled over with a smile, slid her hand over his cheek, and kissed him.


End file.
